Okay, so my cousin sends me this email containing a lot of ads from a bygone era. Believe me, you check these ads out and you’ll know we’re living in different times.

You know, like this one here. The Kenwood Chef must’ve been some hot little item if it could do everything but cook. Happy anniversary, honey. I got this blender now. Get back to work. I wonder if the guy brought the blender into the bedroom with him while his wife was making dinner.
And then there’s this one. The headline pretty much tells the story. No wonder Ovaltine never caught on with adults.
In the same vein, we bring you this little message from American Export Lines. Did I hear you say “who”?
Note the “instantaneous cure” claim. No wonder nobody went to the dentist in those days. Yes, little Junior’s got a toothache. Just give him a cocaine drop. What’s that, dear? You say he won’t take it? Mix it in with his food. He’ll never know.
Those folks at Lane Bryant sure knew how to attract customers, didn’t they? And notice the girl is still a stick figure.
Moving right along…
The malt provides “nourishing qualities” in the beer. “Obviously, baby participates in the benefits.” Are they actually saying beer can find its way into mother’s breast milk? Say it ain’t so!
There’s no question after reading this ad what I’ll be buying myself this Christmas. I was going to spring for an iPad 2, but now…now I think I really need a Dirty Harry model .44 revolver. It can take your head “clean off”.
Hey, who needs crime fiction? Worrying about point of view and sales and e-book promotion? Not me! I’m all inspired now by the poetry of these ads. I’m going to send out some applications to Madison Avenue in the morning. Move over, Don Draper!
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  1. Harry’s “cannon” was a Smith &Wesson 44 Magnum, not a Colt. Colt went out of the late 80s or early 90s, was purchased by another company, which now manufactures a few of the old revolvers in the original Colt factory in New Haven. If you should go with the S&W 44 magnum, always try to remember if you have fired 6 shots or only 5.

  2. BTW–A Colt, single-action, cartridge army revolver (commonly known as “the gun that won the West”) from its original date of manufacture back in 1873 is now worth several thousand dollars. However, one of the aforementioned new products from New Haven will cost you over $1,000 (source: one of my husband’s gun magazines.) The guns in your 50s ad are no longer manufactured. A lot of replicas of the popular old style of revolver are imported from Brazil and Italy for grown-ups who like to play Western Dress-up–they are cheaper, costing less than $1,000.

  3. Re: First comment. I guess if you are blowing your head clean off the number of shots you fire will be mute. Please be careful.

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