I saw in the paper the other day where someone named Lauren Conrad was to appear at Books & Books in Bal Harbour (just north of Miami) to sign not one, but two new books. The article said she was the star of two TV shows: Hills and Laguna Beach. I’d never heard of either one, but the accompanying photo showed her to be a 26-year-old California cupcake, one of an endless supply who populate these TV shows I’ve never heard of.

One of her books is a makeup guide, so that’s totally forgivable, but the other, it turns out, is a novel called Starstruck (HarperCollins). The article went on to say that Starstruck is the sequel to her first novel, The Fame Game.

So, at 26, she has three books out, including two novels. I’m thinking either she’s this killer writer in reality TV star clothing, or else some ghostwriters are getting plenty of work. The article quickly straightened me out.

“Hard to believe Conrad has no background in writing, just fashion,” the article said. “She learned the (writing) process by reading her favorite authors, comedians Tina Fey, Chelsea Handler, Kathy Griffin.”

*hand slaps forehead*  Holy shit! If only I had known Kathy Griffin’s books held the secret! Why did I waste all those years reading Raymond Chandler and Jim Thompson? What was I thinking? Now I know why HarperCollins rejected Setup On Front Street back when I cared about such things. Good to know the “gatekeepers” are ever-vigilant in their quest for high quality writing.

According to the article, Conrad is thrilled to be coming to Miami. “I love it there,” she says, “especially the mannequins you guys have in store windows. They have such huge boobs! It’s always a little shocking.” Then she adds, “I’m like, wow!”

I can’t think of anything else to say.